A survey finds some parents consider hastening death for their terminally ill children in extreme pain.
When you start searching for a nanny, your qualification list is endless. Sure, your goal is to find the perfect person -- but what if the person you find is too perfect? More importantly, what if she's better than you?
The relationship between nanny and mother is often precarious. You knowingly hire someone to be your child's caretaker, teacher, soother and playmate, yet you may come to resent the inevitable bond that she forms with your child. After a few episodes of Access Hollywood, you may even fear that she'll run away with your husband.
When I hire a housekeeper, I don't secretly hope that I am a better cleaner than she is. Nor do I feel competitive when it comes to the lawn guy, the exterminator, the painter or anyone else that helps around my house. I have no guilt about letting someone else prune the hedges, prime the walls, or scrub the toilets.
When I had my son, I was living in New York City and starting a company. Finding a nanny was a necessity and finding the right one was nearly impossible. I struggled with referrals and agencies that overcharged, waiting for my ideal to fly in on an umbrella. I had just about given up, when I met a nanny in my building who was looking for work. She was carrying an umbrella, so I took it as a sign. Maybe it was just a sign that rain was coming -- but it was a sign nonetheless.
Do you have "nanny envy"? Share your comments below.
On the first day she came to babysit, my son was in the middle of a crying jag -- a jag that had lasted about eight months straight. He cried all day; incessantly, unceasingly, and interminably. My biggest fear was that the nanny would shake him, or do something rash, just to get him to pipe down. With a casual air, she gently took Jake in her arms and shooed me off to go about my day.
Ready to pounce on her first errant move, I nonchalantly peeked in from the door and watched as she rocked him slowly in the chair, totally unfazed by his wailing. She continued this for some time until, from another room, I sensed a palpable change in the air. Silence. Silence was a sound I had been deprived of for eight months. I ran in to see what she had done - surely it was something horrible. But, alas, the only thing she had done was completely calm him. How dare she come in and do in one hour what I had been working on for almost a year? I should have fired her then and there. But I let it slide.
She was amazing. She spent hours with him on playgrounds and at parks. She chased him around the apartment and tickled him in the halls. She had boundless energy and no meetings, conference calls, or other work-related responsibilities to sap her zest.
They spent so much time together that her way of doing things seemed like the only way. When I gave my son baths, he would say, "Momma, you're doin' it wrong." He also informed me that I put on band-aids wrong. I rocked at the wrong speed. I even sang my ABC's incorrectly, a feat that I thought was universal. I began to resent this Nanny person and her special Trinidadian ABC's. I also reveled in the moments that my son ran into my arms, or screamed "Mommy!" at the sound of my key in the door. I was having a tug of war with the person my family needed most and my son was the rope.
Do you have "nanny envy"? Share your comments below.
Nanny Envy can be quite painful, but you do have some options. You can up the ante. You can buy big shoes, a red nose, and a squirting flower. You can let your kids eat candy morning, noon, and night and watch TV 'til dawn on the weekend. You can dance around entertaining them, and when you pass out from exhaustion, let them use you as a trampoline. Then you can look Nanny in the eye on Monday morning and say, "Beat that." Then you can pass out and miss work.
You can take out an ad that reads: Wanted: Nanny with extreme amounts of medical and emergency training, who will make perfectly balanced meals using only natural ingredients, who will teach my child a second language, has a car, is allergic to cell phones, and is totally boring. Must be ugly, cross-eyed, and have a mild case of alopecia.
Or you can remember why you hired a nanny in the first place. You can accept that guilt is a part of parenting, and be thankful that there is one more person in your child's life that makes him feel content and secure. Wasn't that your goal?
Do you have "nanny envy"? Share your comments below.
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• Talk with other women engaged in the balancing act
• Meet the members of the childcare providers board
• Chat with fellow working moms
Heading out of the house—and away from the kids—can evoke a wide range of feelings for a mom. Giddiness, if you're going on a dinner date; resistance, if you're on your way to all-day office meetings; serenity, if you're stopping by the spa. But no matter where you're going or how you feel about it, there's always one consistent feeling that you experience when leaving your children in the care of a sitter: nerves.
It's a fact that accidents can happen. Fortunately, there are things you can do and steps you can take to help ensure that your babysitter is completely prepared for accidents and emergencies when you're not around.
Read on to find out how you can better prepare your sitter for emergencies and get peace of mind while you're away from your kids.
TAKE A SAFETY TOUR
Taking your sitter on a "safety tour" around your home is a great way to show her all of your home's features and items that can help in case of an emergency, minor or not.
Have the sitter come over about 10 minutes earlier than needed so you can run through a safety tour. This ensures that everything you're telling her will be fresh in her mind right before the job (as opposed to giving her the tour after her final interview, which could have been days or weeks ago). Stop in the following places:
Medicine cabinet
Show your sitter where you keep important medications—the ones that should be avoided and the ones your kids might need for allergies. Make sure the necessary and dangerous medications are clearly separated so there's less chance of grabbing the wrong one in an emergency.
First-aid kit
Always keep your first-aid kit in the same spot. Don't move it around or else the sitter might run to the old place without remembering that it has been moved.
Emergency items
Show your sitter the location of the fire extinguisher, fuse box, extra towels and toilet plunger. You never know when or if she'll need any of these items, but even in the case of a minor emergency, she needs to be aware of where they are.
Off-limits areas
Every home has rooms or areas that are best avoided by children (Mom's bathroom, the office, workout room, etc.). Make sure your sitter knows what and where these locations are how to keep the kids out. Whether you lock doors or install gates, don't forget to show your sitter how to get in and out of each area.
PROVIDE SAFETY LISTS AND INSTRUCTIONS
Don't expect your sitter to memorize everything you said her during her interview and accurately store that information for access in an emergency. Instead, it's best to provide her with typed lists (not handwritten, in case she has trouble reading your handwriting) that she can refer to quickly and easily. Provide the following:
List of allergies
For each child who has allergies, write down what they are allergic to, the symptoms and signs of an allergic reaction, what treatment and dosage to use in case of an allergic reaction and when she needs to call you, 911 or your children's doctor.
Emergency numbers
Babysitters should always have a list of local emergency numbers and the contact information of at least one other adult who lives nearby and can be called upon for help in case of an emergency. Things to include in this list:
•Local police number
•Local fire department's number
•Poison Control number (1-800-222-1222)
•Nearest emergency room
•Doctor's phone number
•Your cell phone number
•Your address with cross street
•A neighbor's address and phone number
Picture and description of each child
If a child gets lost, the first thing police will ask for is a picture and physical description of the child. To ensure that your sitter doesn't have to rely solely on her memory in such a panicked state, provide her with a recent photo of your child along with his age, height, weight, hair color, eye color and any distinguishing characteristics.
List of common hiding places
As a parent, you know all of your child's favorite spots in and out of the house. Give your sitter a list of these common locations in case your child sneaks off the second her back is turned.
COMPLETE THE BABYSITTER CHEAT SHEET
Sittercity.com has a Babysitter Cheat Sheet that you can fill out with emergency info, allergy instructions and more. Sittercity members can save their sheets online so they can update them later, but you can still fill one out and print it for your babysitter. PREPARE A FIRST-AID KIT
Every home should have a fully stocked and easily accessible first-aid kit. Always keep your first-aid kit in the same place so it's always where your sitter expects it to be. You can buy pre-assembled first-aid kits, but if you're going to create your own, here's a list of common items that should be included:
•Bandages of various sizes
•Antiseptic solution (hydrogen peroxide)
•Gauze or gauze pads
•Adhesive tape
•Antibiotic ointment (such as Neosporin)
•Alcohol pads
•Aloe
•Insect sting-relief pads
•Calamine lotion
•Roller bandage
•Disposable gloves
•Flashlight or penlight
•Scissors
•Tweezers
•Safety pins
•First-aid instruction sheets (for CPR, the Heimlich maneuver, etc.)
•List of emergency numbers
FINALIZE DAY-OF PRECAUTIONS
Before your sitter arrives, there are a few more day-of precautions you can take to help make sure everything and everyone is extra prepared for emergencies.
Write down your plans
Give your sitter the location, address and phone number of where you'll be, how long you'll be there, whether you plan on going anywhere else and when you expect to return home. If you'll be inaccessible during any particular time periods, write that down too.
Charge your cell phone
Make sure your cell phone is fully charged before you leave the house so your sitter can always reach you.
Shut and lock doors and fences
Just before the sitter comes over, shut and lock all doors and fences that lead to the off-limits areas you discussed on your safety tour.
Check in with a back-up contact
Find out which of your neighbors or nearby friends will be home so that the babysitter has someone to call if she can't reach you.
Take toys out of the pool
If you have a swimming pool, remove all of the floats and toys before you leave. These items can attract children, so it's critical to make sure they're not in the water.
Make sure there are ice packs in the freezer
You never know if they'll be needed, but ice packs (or frozen peas) should be kept in the freezer just in case.
Restock the first-aid kit
Double-check that all of the items are still in the first-aid kit. (If the kids found the gauze and decided to play doctor the day before, there will be far fewer supplies in case of a real emergency.)
Review rules with the kids and sitter
Once the sitter arrives, take five minutes to run through the house rules with her and the kids so the kids know that both you and the sitter are on the same page. (This way, they'll be less likely to try to get away with something once you're gone.)
At the first sight of a weakening economy, families start tightening their purse strings, spending less on luxury items for the kids, and less on vacations, extracurricular activites, toys—even child care. The peace of mind that comes with a quality caregiver may be priceless, but it can cost you a pretty penny. Is there a way to save on child care without sacrificing the quality of the caregiver or the peace of mind that comes with it?
Yes! In fact, there are several, whether you're looking for ways to keep your current caregiver or you're in need of tips to hire a more affordable one. By incorporating a few creative child care solutions, you'll be able to save money and find a balance between quality and affordability.
Keeping Your Current Caregiver
Children often develop an emotional bond with their caregivers, so it's understandable if you'd like to keep your current one. You've got three money-saving options:
- Option 1: Use your current sitter less but keep paying her standard rate.
- Option 2: Enter into a share care with another family and share the sitter.
- Option 3: Use your current sitter the same amount but for less pay.
Let's explore these options to see which one may be right for you:
Option 1: Using the Sitter Less
How it works
Give your sitter one extra day off each week or an extra hour off each day. If you can't adjust your schedule, perhaps a family member could step in for the last hour. By cutting back one hour each day, you could save quite a bit of money—if you pay your sitter $10 per hour, for example, this could save you $50 each week.
What to do
If you're going to reduce your caregiver's hours, you must have a talk with her so she knows what to expect. Be honest, and be prepared for her to seek out other work to supplement the new reduction in her take-home pay.
Whether you know of a friend looking for the occasional sitter or a manager looking for part-time workers, let her know of extra ways she could supplement her income. The sincere efforts you demonstrate toward your sitter can also help foster additional loyalty.
Option 2: Entering Into a Share Care
How it works
A "share care" is when two different families let their children stay with the same sitter while the parents are out. Since the parents are sharing one sitter, they each pay around 20 to 35 percent less than the going rate and give the total to the caregiver.
So, if you typically pay $12 per hour for a sitter to watch your two children while your friend pays $10 per hour for her one child, you could each cut back by 30 percent and pay the sitter a total of $60 for four hours of work (rather than each paying $48 and $40, respectively).
What to do
First, pick a reliable family to share a sitter with and make sure you have similar parenting styles. If you choose a family whose rules mirror your own, it's easier for the caregiver to manage both sets of children under one roof.
Make sure you communicate everything beforehand to help the evening go smoothly. (Whose house will the children stay at? Will all of the children be eating dinner beforehand? What will each family owe? Exactly which adult will be paying the sitter?)
Once you've got the plans figured out, stick to them! If the sitter is expecting four children, for example, resist the urge to add another child to the mix. You might think, "What's one more?" but the reality is that it increases the sitter's workload.
Option 3: Paying Your Sitter Less
How it works
Generally, reducing your caregiver's pay should be a last resort. If you absolutely can't reduce her hours and have no one else to turn to for a share care or free help, then this option may be on the table—but you must be fully prepared for your caregiver to bow out of the arrangement so she can find a job that does pay a standard rate.
If reducing your sitter's rate is something you must do, think about what you can reasonably afford and whether or not it's a significant difference from what she earns already. Try not to reduce her current salary by anything more than 20 percent, otherwise you may risk offending her and burning that child care bridge for the future.
For example, if you pay a sitter $10 per hour for a 40-hour week, just reducing her rate by 5 percent can save you $20 each week.
What to do
When you are talking with your sitter, be completely honest and explain that the economy is affecting your family and that you simply must offer lower pay in this job. Notice how you don't say that you're offering her lower pay (assuming she'll stick around). Tell her that you completely understand if she can't continue working for the reduced rate, but you wanted to at least give her the option.
Creative Tip: Since you can't offer financial incentives, do other things to make the job more appealing. Perhaps you make it clear that there are no light housekeeping duties, you always include the sitter in the meal plans, let her use your car to drive the kids instead of her own, etc. Whatever you can do to compensate for the pay cut may make her consider your offer more seriously.
Finding a More Affordable Caregiver
Some families might be more comfortable seeking out a sitter that fits their price range rather than adjusting the rates and/or schedule of their current caregiver. If you're thinking of going this route, you have two options:
- Option 1: Find a brand new child care provider in a more affordable price range.
- Option 2: Find a new "combination caregiver," a hybrid babysitter/housekeeper.
Option 1: Finding a New Sitter
How it works
The first thing to understand about looking for a more affordable caregiver is that by lowering the rates, you may have to adjust your expectations for the kind of caregiver you'll attract.
If you want a 24-year-old sitter with 10 years of experience, training in first aid and CPR, and glowing recommendations, chances are she won't accept a job for minimum wage. That's not to suggest that an 18-year-old sitter with less experience isn't a good caregiver, but be realistic about who you're hoping to entice with the new rate.
What to do
Determine what you're willing to compromise on and what you're not, especially in terms of age and experience. For example, if you only feel comfortable with a caregiver over the age of 18, you may want to check out local colleges or Sittercity.com.
When you post your job, be sure to state your rate range so that sitters know what to expect when they contact you about the position. If you leave it open-ended by putting "negotiable," you may end up with a pool of applicants whose own rate falls outside your range.
Creative Tip: Use your reduced rate offer as "starter pay," and create a schedule through which the rate will increase after certain points. This type of incremental raise helps you absorb the cost of child care while still getting the sitter to where she needs to be financially.
Option 2: Hire a Hybrid Caregiver
How it works
Lately, many parents have been exploring the "combination caregiver," a hybrid babysitter/housekeeper that costs less than hiring two separate employees. The hybrid caregiver focuses on tending to the children, but also spends time cleaning up the home—beyond the typical mess made by the kids. This can include vacuuming, dusting, making all the beds, doing laundry, folding clothes, cleaning bathrooms, etc.
What to do
Never assume that a current caregiver can "become" a hybrid. All it would mean is that you're dumping extra work on her and completely changing the job expectations that she signed on for. Instead, it's better to hire a new, willing caregiver to make the hybrid arrangement work out.
In your job posting, be very clear about what the expectation is and what types of housekeeping tasks the caregiver would be responsible for. Make sure you pay fairly to compensate the caregiver for the additional workload.
Remember, the more time a caregiver spends tending to your home, the less time she can spend tending to your children, so think carefully about whether this option would be a good one for your family.
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